Monday, February 28, 2005

Wednesday evening

Continuation of Wednesday morning

That Wednesday evening, seated in the office bus, on the long rickety way back home, next to a featureless bespectacled person reading a book on people management, I decided to shed all pretense.

I don't know what caused it - the early morning dream? Probably, but that wasn't a sufficient trigger. The hollow that it created was filled in a few minutes, greedily, I must say, by thoughts...bulky, ungainly thoughts.. rapid, intangible thoughts that flow in, like a tropical river in flood.. you know it is murky, and that it has something... but it rushes past you when you try to touch it... fluid thoughts, taking shape one moment and destroying itself in the next. And in a minute, the flood subsides, revealing familiar structures- the jaipuri quilt extending downwards from my chin, enveloping the freshly disabused God, the neglected bike keys inside the helmet, the heap of unwashed clothes.. No, it wasn't the dream.

What was it then? I remember my post-lunch deliberations. Two in the afternoon is a bad time. Bad time to work, bad time to think, and worse, bad time to take a coffee, for, disturbing the delicate siestan equilibrium with caffeine is bound to dip the pH values to near absolute zero. And a mind devoid of caffeine thinks strange thoughts. This time, it was on language, rather, on its strange quality of being technically inexpressive in its most expressive state. Take for example hunger. When I say 'I am hungry', I know what exactly I mean, and also why and how I am hungry, and what I am most likely to do next. After a reasonable period without food, I start getting mild pangs of pain in the stomach, that progressively worsens with time, until I decide to appease the hunger gods with calories. One single word 'hungry' packs in all this in six letters-the knowledge, the feeling and the consequence.

Now, I know that I am in love. But that is as much as the word expresses. It doesn't go beyond the knowledge to explain what and why I feel, and what I am likely to do next. I ended up getting confused if the problem was with the language, or with me.

Thinking back, I don't think this could have been the reason for the decision. Confusion is as much a part of my life as dinosaurs are. By the way, did you know that confusion means 'to pour together'?

Having firmly eliminated two strong candidates, I decide to ignore the cause and focus on its impact. The first thing that hit me was the realisation that I couldn't possibly shed all pretense. I can't possibly go to a cosy restaurant, order for food, and not say 'Thanks' when I am served, and instead go on to say 'Why should I thank you? Thats what you are paid for, goddammit!!'.

So, I decide to limit my pretense shedding till the time I am in the bus. Guess what, its already two in the afternoon.. Its that time of the day. My train of thoughts stop at the station and I go out for a quick snack!

Sunday, February 27, 2005


Michelangelo's David




Michelangelo boy is a gid. Read this.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Wednesday morning

0825 on an unusally warm wednesay morning. Eyes still closed, I wake up to the feeling of a miniature birth of time.

Nothing existed before now, before this moment of awakening ...no light, no sound, no memories... and nothing shall exist before i open my eyes. For a few precious moments, I was THE universe, in all its entirety, the non-existent universe outside waited patiently for it's birth.

Nothing seems to matter. I can continue to lie still, and the universe won't exist. An hour, a day or for as long as i wish. Or i can choose not to breathe, and suffocate the foetal universe.

Tiny tentacles of memory, greenish-purple in colour start reaching out from under the placid sea of my serene universe, threatening to puddle my nascent non-existing universe into non-existence. Hazy wisps of events begin to take shape, like collapsing swirls of cosmic dust, unable to convince gravity stating their meagre mass.. helpless... inevitable... The shapes are already discernable... inevitable...

I can remember last night... the blinding orgasm, and i smile thinking of the brilliance of evolution... the exponential path spent in thinking of the other person, and at the moment of climax- nothing... only you...

The climax dispels the remaining clouds.. dispels the very dust that makes up my universe-the dust that shields me from facing the real world. All of a sudden, I hear the faint distant hum of the fan, the suffocating warmth of my quilt and smell my unwashed pillow cover... inevitable...

The world existed inspite of my closed eyes. The universe pored through my eyelids to mock at me., and I woke up.

'Gosh, not one of those philosophical days' so saying, I woke up to face Wednesay

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Desi poetry

Desis have an appalling sense of writing english poetry... a few of my classmates tried their hands at poetry, much to the appreciation of fellow imbeciles, and my dismay.

Please read the samples, and feel free to puke.

Ordinary Girl, touch my soul
Demystify that ever-deepening hole.

Love: Bodies in quantum entanglement
Understanding life, so deeply ambivalent.

Ordinary Girl, touch my skin
Redeem me of the original sin.

Precious illusions, oh, so adolescent!
Rest of life, nobody's invent.

My-o-my, you're so ever-beautiful
With our shine and your ever-gripping pull.

And the magnum opus: i go to school, my friends are cool

If you ask me, people should limit their literary escapades to quoting copied shers(gaboor poetry, that i don't understand anyway), and spare me the torture of having to read poetry in a language that i understand.

Of course, I have the option of not reading it, but why waste a chance to crib :D

P.S: Caption for a new Kannada movie:
Musical thunder... something wonder!

My body shudders as due to
sudden, repetitive, spasmodic contraction of the thoracic cavity, resulting in violent release of air from the lungs, and i feel a sudden urge to consume anitemetics. But atleast, the caption doesn't claim that it is poetry.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Hitchhiker's guide to ending up as a fossil....

Been a fancy idea of mine for a long time- ending up as a fossil, and being recovered a billion years from now by an intelligent species evolved from rodents, humans having been wiped out long bac by an epidemic.

Looks like i am not w/o company

What is the best method to fossilize my remains when I die?

After my death I would like to become a fossil. Is there anything I could have done to my remains that would improve my chances, and where would be a good place to have them interred? How quickly could I turn into a fossil?

D. J. Thompson London, UK

So you want to become a fossil? This is admirable, but you have made a bad start. A hard, mineralised exoskeleton and a marine lifestyle would have given you a better chance. But let's start with what you have got: an internal skeleton and some soft outer bits.

You can usually forget the soft bits. If you take up mountaineering or skiing and end up in a glacier crevasse you could become a wizened mummy, but that's not real fossilisation, just putting things on hold for a while. If you really want to survive the ravages of geological time then you need to concentrate on teeth and bones. Fossilisation of these involves additional mineralisation, so you might want to get a head start and think about your diet: cheese and milk would build up your bone calcium. And look after your teeth, as these really are your best bet for a long-term future. So get a good dentist and keep those appointments.

After that it comes down to three things: location, location, location. You must find a place to die where you won't be disturbed for a long time. Caves have worked well for some people, so you might want to take up potholing to scout out locations close to home, but get the proper training.

Alternatively, you need a rapid burial. I don't mean a speedy funeral service picked out of the telephone directory, but something natural and dramatic - the sort of thing that is preceded by a distant volcanic rumble and an unfinished query along the lines of "What was...?"

You might want to travel to find the right natural opportunity. Camping in a desert wadi in the flash-flood season would be good. And long walks across tropical river flood plains during heavy rain could get you where you want to be: buried in fine, anoxic mud. Or how about an imprudent picnic on the flanks of an active volcano? But take geological advice because you are looking for a nice ash-fall burial, not cremation by lava.

Talking of picnics, fossil stomach contents can provide useful palaeo-diet information, so a solid final meal would be good. And I mean solid. Pizzas or hamburgers won't last, but shellfish or fruit with large seeds (you will need to swallow these) could intrigue future scientists.

Finally, trace fossils (marks in rocks that indicate animal behaviour) are always welcome. So a neat set of footprints leading to your final location would be good. Use a nice even gait with no hopping or skipping to confuse analysis of how you really moved.

Of course, you have more chance of winning the lottery than ending up as a fossil. But if you do go for a place in the fossil record please keep in touch. Geologists are always on the lookout for interesting new specimens, so let us know where you'll be. We can arrange to dig you up in, say, a million years. D. J. Thompson London, UK

So you want to become a fossil? This is admirable, but you have made a bad start. A hard, mineralised exoskeleton and a marine lifestyle would have given you a better chance. But let's start with what you have got: an internal skeleton and some soft outer bits.

You can usually forget the soft bits. If you take up mountaineering or skiing and end up in a glacier crevasse you could become a wizened mummy, but that's not real fossilisation, just putting things on hold for a while. If you really want to survive the ravages of geological time then you need to concentrate on teeth and bones. Fossilisation of these involves additional mineralisation, so you might want to get a head start and think about your diet: cheese and milk would build up your bone calcium. And look after your teeth, as these really are your best bet for a long-term future. So get a good dentist and keep those appointments.

After that it comes down to three things: location, location, location. You must find a place to die where you won't be disturbed for a long time. Caves have worked well for some people, so you might want to take up potholing to scout out locations close to home, but get the proper training.

Alternatively, you need a rapid burial. I don't mean a speedy funeral service picked out of the telephone directory, but something natural and dramatic - the sort of thing that is preceded by a distant volcanic rumble and an unfinished query along the lines of "What was...?"

You might want to travel to find the right natural opportunity. Camping in a desert wadi in the flash-flood season would be good. And long walks across tropical river flood plains during heavy rain could get you where you want to be: buried in fine, anoxic mud. Or how about an imprudent picnic on the flanks of an active volcano? But take geological advice because you are looking for a nice ash-fall burial, not cremation by lava.

Talking of picnics, fossil stomach contents can provide useful palaeo-diet information, so a solid final meal would be good. And I mean solid. Pizzas or hamburgers won't last, but shellfish or fruit with large seeds (you will need to swallow these) could intrigue future scientists.

Finally, trace fossils (marks in rocks that indicate animal behaviour) are always welcome. So a neat set of footprints leading to your final location would be good. Use a nice even gait with no hopping or skipping to confuse analysis of how you really moved.

Of course, you have more chance of winning the lottery than ending up as a fossil. But if you do go for a place in the fossil record please keep in touch. Geologists are always on the lookout for interesting new specimens, so let us know where you'll be. We can arrange to dig you up in, say, a million years.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Death to all "cho-chweet" blogs!!!

Its disgusting to see somone posting the most mundane events in the most pedestral language, and a million people go mad praising the mediocrity...

Have a lot more to say on this... but some things are better left unsaid...

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Saw Black last night... my reaction is a surprising, directionless neuter..

imagine reaching an orgasm, lifting your head and finding a beheading in front of you... its that indescribable...

People with a passion for life make me sick... the higher the odds fought against, the sicker i get...

Thursday, February 03, 2005

This has been the worst week of my life....

I thank one and all....