Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Karmic Tithes - 2

What happened earlier : Karmic Tithes - 1

Behavioural experts around the world are of the opinion that the first contact will be the single most defining moment in history since the adam dude ate the apple. The first human contact with an alien civilisation, if any, will have a profound and irreparable impact on the human society. For the first time since the homo erectus developed the first wisps of anything that remotely resembled cogitative ability, humanity will be face to face with a species much superior to itself; and an overwhelming fraction of humanity has to come to terms with the non existence of god. Without the comforting stability of a solid pillar of strength to lean back upon, civilisation would crumble, suicide rates will increase exponentially, law and order will become obsolete.

The first contact turned out to be one huge anti-climax. Its not everyday that you wake up to see a three-legged creature drooling in your garden, and mistake it for a velociraptor playing a guitar.

Agnoiology
\Ag`noi*ol"o*gy\ ([a^]g`noi*[o^]l"[-o]*j[y^]), n. [Gr. 'a`gnoia ignorance + -logy.] (Metaph.)

The doctrine concerning those things of which we are necessarily ignorant.

For quite sometime, being an agniologist was the coolest thing in the planet of zygota, That was before transchizer was invented.

What follows is the tragic story of how a passionate quest for ignorance and single-minded devotion to nescience overcame all hurdles and brought about the death of a civilisation. Well... almost!

For a long time, Zygota was as close as anything can get to Utopia. Zygota was the fourth planet in the planetary system of Amoeba, and Utopia was the third, and it would have remained that way, had it not been for the fourth great war.

Those were the days , the senile zygotes would say... the days of plenty; the days when the land was yellow and the seas were a lush shade of salmon; the days when zygotes were basking in the glory of their marvellous civilisation... There were agrologists, xenozoologists, pedologists, histologists, physicists, architects, engineers and researchers who played their part in shaping this marvellous culture, the best in the galaxy. Science was god and research was the path to salvation. The ever-increasing knowledge base prompted scientists to look out for newer unknown areas. Thus was born the science of Agnoiology.

Being an agnoiologist was cool... You are ignorant of what the dark side of the second moon of lucifer looks like... Off you go to see... and the moment you see it, you are no longer ignorant... your job is done... then, off you go to become non-ignorant of the effect of mendelian belly dancers on a inebritated tripod. This new science was a rage... All of a sudden, everyone wanted to be an agnoiologist.

Being ignorant was cool... Ignorant fools travelled, and how... they flew business class to everywhere in the Ameoba system, and to almost all places in the cluster.... agnoiologists went to all the exotic places and had sex with all exotic alien species as a part of their "disignorance drive". Being ignorant paid. Being ignorant amused.Hence, being ignorant flourished. Parents wanted their children to be ignorant, in the best interest of the children. School became the place where jerks slog out to become nobody. Good children stayed at home, and stared at the walls. Nobody wanted to know anything in the fear that the knowledge would weigh against thier qualification to be an agnoiologist. Soon, zygota became a place where imbeciles crawled all over the place in the hope of becoming adept at being an imbecile.

And, the transchizer spoilt it all... In one smooth move, it destroyed the dreams of millions...

Transchizer was the product of one of those jerks who did not want to be an agnoiologist. Upon tuning transchizer to the cumulative frequecny of a person's congnitive waves and focussing it on any place, the person becomes schizophrenic, splits into two, and one part is transported to the focussed location. Some other jerk had the bright idea that could bring about a radical shift in agnoiology. Instead of sending a person to every place, the person can just be schized. Bang went all the romance out of agnoiology.

It was one such schizophrenic that Vishy mistook for a velociraptor with a guitar when he woke up on a chilly wednesday morning.


5 comments:

Nilu said...

gid!

Anonymous said...

"For a long time, Zygota was as close as anything can get to Utopia. Zygota was the fourth planet in the planetary system of Amoeba, and Utopia was the third, and it would have remained that way, had it not been for the fourth great war." - :)))

gid one da Don!
kindly looking fwd to what vishy does to the velociraptor...

Guru Subbaraman said...

And he is back !!! And here come Ananthakrishnan for his mandatory hug ;)

Ishwar said...

Its ok da.. its ok...

lol+rotfl

anantha said...

Dei.. konja naal naan abscond na.. odane avan avan karmic tithes pathi ezhudharamichhutenga... And Nilu avanoda "idhellam" niruthaveilla...