Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I have a request to all those talented directors in bollywood. When you take a hindi movie,MAKE IT A FUCKING HINDI MOVIE. Rajastani, bhojpuri, haryanvi, punjabi and indori aren't hindi.

Do that or return my money.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Now, that's what I'd call a gift

Now, that's what I'd call a gift

Thanks, archana!

All I need now is a non-bitchy landlord to call people over for a weekend party!

Lizard liqueur

To all the happy people in the world, here's something to screw your happiness

lizard liqueur
Originally uploaded by a.rud.beth.

Ode to an extinct theropod diapsid.


Oh you fearsome dromaeosaurid,
thy presence electrifies the celluloid

Hailing from the mighty archosaurs,
quiteunlike anaconda's anal spurs

Megalodon, in comparison, was but a turkey
peed in its pants and ran away like leon trotsky

On your glance mammals scurry,
lest they become rodent curry

Cut, slash and rip hapless mammals,
running fast without sandals

Thou art great, thou art strong
incredibly sexy, without a gong.

Monday, August 28, 2006

How poetry killed my hair

If bad hair is a measure of one's poetry skills, I am Keats' frontal lobe.

Shortcut to fame - Suggestion 14

I see so much angst among the madras bloggers, but strangely, nobody wantes to make use of this little window of opportunity to become a star, fighting on the side of justice and some such crap.

Since bloggers' demographics is not my speciality, I'd suggest that Kiruba or Nilu star a Bloggers for Auto fair(fare) or some such hopelessly inane catch-phrase, bring together equally inane bloggers, start an online campaign, perhaps an online petition and become fucking famous.

I tell you, madras women dig people who fight for their auto fair(fare) ;)

A weekend, a wedding, some fun and an overdose of fat women

Had been to Madras this weekend to attend my cousin's wedding. For those of you that aren't familiar with a tamil wedding, here is a primer.

1. It goes on for an insanely long time; three days, to be precise.

2. Most of the time is spent, not on the couple getting married, but in the process of appeasing a bunch of totally worthless pampered pot-bellied fify-year old men with unkempt moustaches and monstrous egos, matched only by their staggering stupidities.

Anyway, had lots of fun with cousins and some kick-ass food.

Nonagenerian grandparents

And just to assuage my guilt,
US researchers have taken a mouse back in time some 500 million years by reversing the process of evolution.

Friday, August 25, 2006

The pain comes up every now and then
With a semi-religious regularity
Like a fucking planet in the sky
Around an angelic bright star.

Feels like you lost your limb
The feeling of not dialing a familiar number
A million better things beckon you
And your phantom limb keeps dialing.

Sometimes you throw up
Wanting to purge the number
Little do you realise
That the number is your mucous, not your fucking food.

Some crazy coprolite

Insightful paper on A Standard for the Transmission of IP Datagrams on Avian Carriers by D. Waitzman.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Evidently, John Lennon hasn't read The Selfish Gene.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Holy crap, people still believe that vedas are scientific texts and there is no room for superstition in vedas.

Read this to choke and die. One person goes to say

Please do not call it is a blind belief....

I myself a Software Engineer from Bangalore. I have seen and offered milk to Ganesha in 1995.. It was a miracle..


"Teh suck" that's

Despite people's disposition to have negative IQs on an average, especially among those that share my name, this person took it a step further and gave my email id as the contact id in his profile. The result, I spend half my time clearing junk mails and dispatching them to trash, the time that would've otherwise been spent blissfully wasted.

On most sites out there, one would find a link that says Contact Us. One would think this link would give email ids and contact numbers that one could use to contact the customer care in times of trouble. But one would be wrong. Little would that one have thought that it is all a major communist plot and that the one's chances of contacting the customer are slimmer than the same one's chances of finding a single woman in bangalore. The aforementioned one's attempts to contact the toll free numbers would lead one to the dark side of telephone paedophilia and the one other number would lead to a rather sharp increase in one's telephone bills, being forced to listen to telugu songs while waiting for the customer care to pick up the phone. (Incidentally, one doesn't find the prospect of imagining a rather fat junior NTR trying to look down the breasts of trisha particularly alluring)

Having finally made contact with the customer care, the one would come to face the veritable iron curtain, pea brains and outright denial of help. In certain capitalist societies in other parts of the world, this is something that the customer care is taught not to do. For example,

We have thousands of customers, and online resumes is only 5% of what we do. So, we can't help you

is what one(not the same one) would call as being rude and which would drive one(the same one) clambering up the walls.

Mood: Extremely pissed off.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Among the few women that've made me feel human in recent times is our own Sharmila Tagore. Try watching Pulp fiction on Star Movies and you'll know why.

What does Marcello Wallace look like?
He's black, bald...
Does he look like a _ping_?
Then why do you _ping_ with him?

That's one smart _ping_, _ping_.

Five thousand years of civilisation hasn't given the world a worthy ideal[sic] to live up to.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The passion of the deinonychus

Expect a travelogue this weekend.

And say hi to my my new moto razr v3i

Friday, August 04, 2006

Andamans, ahoy!

Will be back on Aug 16th!