Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Captain in and as Tennis Thirunaavukkarasu

Stroyline of Captain's next film....
Courtesy: fwd from Nithya

Sania Mirza has slipped from her world ranking of 99 to 133, and the Olympics are less than 2 months away. She approaches the Indian Tennis Association for help to find somebody to coach her to win the Olympics gold medal. The President of the association tells her there is only one man to help her ?CAPTAIN THIRUNAVUKKARASU?the long forgotten Indian tennis star. Captain now lives in a small village called Arasampatti with his wife, Trisha and cow, Meenatchi. He lives a quiet, contented life looking after his farm with his wife.

zzzzz flashback to when Captain was a young student in his college, jollu uttufying behind trisha. One day, one of the students in the college, who incidentally is also behind trisha, challenges Captain to a game of tennis to decide who is the real hero. Trisha loves Captain and cajoles him into practicing hard for tennis so that he can beat the villain and show who is who. Not only that, trisha tells Captain that, he must not only conquer this frontier but also win a GOLD MEDAL for INDIA in the Olympics. With all this in mind, Captain practices hard and defeats the villain (that?s pretty simple for captain actually). During the practice sessions there is a song with trisha in a mini-mini-skirt and captain playing with tennis balls. As you all know captain is so naughty so he plays around?err, u get the drift?
Captain then goes onto the Olympics. One secret of Captain?s success is that he drinks his cow Meenatchi?s milk everyday. So captain takes special permission to take the cow along, so that he can win the Gold Medal. He milks Meenatchi between every change over and drinks it. Captain breezes through the initial rounds and meets John Mcenroe in the final.

The match is going really close and Mcenroe is winning. Then trisha who is in the stands, starts singing ?mannava unakku enda mcenroe va potti, nee jeyicha enikki rathiri lootti??.? then Captain brings out Meenatchi and milks her and drinks it all in one gulp, spilling most of it on his chest (the cameraman focuses on his chest and the girls in the crowd faint at the sight of Captain?s powerful muscles). Now that Captain is refreshed he goes back and beats the shit out of Mcenroe. Mcenroe who isn?t used to being beaten, badmouths Captain. Captain, never one to miss out on an opportunity for a dialog, looks at Mcenroe with his steely eyes, gives him one of his special nakkal smiles and says ?enda Thirunavukkarasu-kku aruvalum veesa theriyum, tennis racquet-um veesa theriyum. Naan oru missan (mission) la vandurukken, edula nee enna da, ongappan vanda kooda, enna thadukka mudiyadhu.? He wins easily and during the presentation ceremony talks about how he trained hard for his success and thanks his ?thai mannu?, trisha and Meenatchi. He comes back to India to a hero?s welcome, but Captain does not want glory and fame, so he goes and settles in the small village and manages the farm. There he and trisha live happily singing a couple of songs now and then.

zzzzz Present?.. Sania finds her way to Arasampatti and convinces Captain to coach her so that she can win the Olympic Gold Medal. Trisha is reluctant, but Captain is adamant that India must be win a gold medal and the only chance is Sania and Sania?s only hope is CAPTAIN. Captain then trains Sania and puts all his effort into it. He even tells her that she can win if she drinks Meenatchi?s milk. Meenatchi, though very old now, still produces milk so that Sania can win the Gold medal (After all, Meenatchi is an Indian cow).

The Olympics comes and Sania, Captain and Meenatchi travel to London where the Olympics are being held. Sania being Captain?s student breezes through the
initial rounds and meets Serena Williams in the finals. Sania gets injured in between and is limping her way through the match with difficulty. Captain is cool as usual. He goes to milk Meenatchi so that Sania can regain her energy. But the villains have given her an injection to stop her from giving milk. In fact, Meenatchi is almost dead. If only they knew who they were up against they wouldn?t have done it. But anyway, Captain starts on the family song and Meenatchi gets up and gives milk. Sania who is now
recharged, goes back and starts playing amazing tennis. The linesman makes a wrong call. Odane namma Captain enters the scene ?oru chinna tennis ball, line-a thandudha thandalaya nnu ozhunga solla mudiyalaye, anga oru periya Line of Control-a thaandi
theevaravathinga varaanga. Kashmir-la rathriyum pagalum uyirukku anjama natta kappatharaanga enga nattin veerargal. adunaala daan, enikki naanga olymbics la vandu epdi tennis adarom. Anda tyagigala
nenacchu paaru, onnoda velaiya nee ozhunga seyya mudiyum? (kanna pinna senti daan, but Captain cant resist talking about Pakistani theevaravadhis)

Sania continues to play and suddenly Meenatchi dies. Sania becomes heartbroken and starts losing. Captain cannot do anything. Sania tries her very best. Its
match point for Serena and Sania breaks her leg. The aspirations and hopes of a billion Indians and millions of Tamillans are at stake. Appo namba Captain
takes a brave decision .... To play in the place of Sania. But how can he play, he is old and tired and moreover he does not have Meenatchi milk.. Then Trisha comes to rescue. She says "Mama, ungalukkage, naan
speciala nethikku yaarukkum teriyama, Meenatchi paal oru bottle vechiriken, inthaanga". Captain is moved by Trisha's gesture.

So he drinks the last drop of Meenatchi paal, and enters the kalam to standing ovation of thousands of people. But, it is not over yet, Pakistani theeviravaatigal, are still following our Captain trying to sabotage his plans. So there fire 2 shots
hits our Captain in his hand and on his leg. Blood is gushing out of Captains hand and legs, his eyes are red as usual. Medic team arrives at the scene, but our
Captain refuses any help. He gets up, finally and the crowd is cheering loudly. Trisha is crying. Meenatchi maadu somehow comes back to life(no one knows how, its
coz of Captains dedication to tamil). He gets up and serves , but Serena returns really well, and Captain misses it and falls. Serena is celebrating her win,
when our Captain gets up, chases the ball just before it touches the ground and hits it with all his force. The ball goes out of the court and the umpire is about
to declare a win for Serena, and amazingly enough it boomerangs back and lands on the line. Our Captain saves India's maanam, and says "en uyir , en udal ellam tamilke, tamil vaazhga , tamil valarga....."


Nilu said...


Anonymous said...

Hilarious, man!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...


Ambar said...

bloody hilarious!
Translation needed for Tamil sections please.

Anonymous said...

this is real winner story line for a silver jubilee Wonder whos is the best to act as Sania - the real one or any other???