Toight

Preshenting de very shekshy and the very toight chrishtmash tree's fazher* at my housh.

* Those that haven't seen Austin Powers, this is the time when you promptly defenestrate yourself.

Ok, no more self-deprecatory, depressing posts. Doctor's orders :)

Math foo

Will somebody explain the logic behind two negatives making a positive.



In other words, can you give me a real-life example of -2x-2 = 4, something along the lines of You have two apples, and your friend has four....



Please, this is driving me crazy.

Extinction mojo

Ever wondered why the giant panda and the indian one-horned rhinoceres are headed for extinction? Here's why!

Maslow's hierarchy, or something like it

Level 5 to Level 3 in thirteen months.

And, now what?

Merry christmas and a happy new year

A victorious roar from a well-camouflaged t-rex after it just bit off the stegosaurus's head.

Bloody gory mess at Hell's kitchen.

And
you run and run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking

And
racing around to come up behind you again

The
sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older

Shorter
of breath and one day closer to death

Unfairness, like gravity, is fundamental to the fabric of the universe. You fall, gravity or otherwise, good or bad. There is no escaping the laws.

On cobain, gym and mammals

A young woman in pretty blue workout outfit walks up to the treadmill next to mine and started running with a steady hindu growth rate when I was high on Cobain, singing out Come as you are.



A minute later she stops running and gives me a look usually reserved for Sitaram Yechuri and Sagarika Ghose. A few seconds later, she walks away in indignation.



A few minutes after the reason dawns on me. Repeated reference to what was misinterpreted as a mammalian characteristic.



Believe me, it was funny.

Seriously, what's with corporates and shoving philanthropy down your throat?
Why do people feel guilty to have money?

Give me a thagomiser or give me a sweet fucking christmas tree.

Delhi puts me of in a way no other city ever did. Perhaps it's its history; perhaps it's the sights and smells of delhi streets, the food, the picteresque delhi university area, or the breathtaking mughal architecture; but then, these aren't. These are reasons to love, not to hate.



It's its people, rather their passion that puts me off. Give me a break, all ye delhi folks, and grow up. That includes you and a few people from my past. It's a city. Write poems about it, love it, feel nostalgic and home-sick, talk about it, but then, stop when the person next to you can take no more.

Carpe diem

Memories are disturbing

More so if they aren't yours.



Tiny strands of squiggly wiggly memories,

Each full with their own independent shades

of love, pain, lust and smiles

Memories that make little sense,

having passed through sieves of hypocrisy



And lives constructed

uut of these proxy memories

make you feel you haven't lived.



So, fuck you all

It's my life

and I'm going to Carpe Diem

Tea has mellowed me. Death to all gaboors.

Excited

Am off to see the Kaziranga national park, Shilong and Cherrapunji for a week, and yes, take a few interviews in a college in Guwahati.
Really hoping to see the great Indian rhinoceres.


Technorati Tags: suddenlee, holidays

The unbecoming of science

It's strange that I get this link from Sudha. It talks about the "unbecoming of science".

Only yesterday, I was telling how more and more, physics feels like religion. Now, before ye asses pitch in and say But physics and religion are manifestations of the same entity, let's make it clear. They aren't. The only way in which they're related is that they aren't. Get that straight.

So, what is this unbecoming of science that we're talking about. Put literally, it's the semi-pseudo mysticism that has come to surround physics, making it sound like one of those verses from the vedas that sound really deep, but don't mean a shit.

When was the last time you were able to visualise anything in physics to a satisfactory degree? Electromagnetic waves? Gravity? Fluid dynamics? Uncertainty principle? Well, welcome to  20th century science. When you talk of the universe folding upon itself, of universe in twenty three dimensions, of tiny squiggles of energy making up the universe, and the way these things squiggle determining what particle it is, you get more lost than you were the first time you gave oral sex. It's not what you had imagined it to be.

Strong anthropic principle is another way of saying Don't ask questions. That's how things are. This is what all bad-breathed uncles tell their neices and nephews when they're asked - Is it tortoise all the way down?

Maths is the new tortoise


Technorati Tags: suddenlee, science

Yet another Orkut bleah

Did anybody notice the "our mutual friends" div on your orkut page?



The orkut programmers need to get their grammar sorted right!

Holy crap!

The next time somebody says s/he wants to have a child, show her/him this.
On second thought, why the fuck should they care.

Citizens, you can't believe or not believe in evolution. It's not Big foot.



You can either accept it or not accept it.

Suddenlee officially endorses XKCD

CToD

Here's your 'Conspiracy theory of the day'



ISI has setup a camp in Colombo and is splurging money to promote linguistic jingoism in TN. The *kazhagam* parties are all funded by ISI - culturally, ideologically and monetarily.





Ok, am too bored to continue.

Today, I fainted out of sheer boredom.

Woke up later. Cannibals are interesting.

The scars of happiness

...

Damn, I'm getting old.

yblr - Time to rethink

1. This guy at work walks up to me and says, I remember only interesting mails on yblr, and I don't know who you are.



2. Two new kids are taking yblr[1] to abymssmal depths.



Will unsubscribe after breaking into the top 5.



P.S: If you don't like dinosaurs or evolution, or if I don't get to sleep with you, the chances that you'd find me interesting are as bad as my coding skills.



[1] Yahoo Internal mailing list





Technorati Tags: suddenlee, yblr, crib, depressed

In search of the elusive Indian root (repost)

Something I posted a year back. Wondering what'll it be this time...



It is "finding the roots" time again. Every year in November, India
goes mad searching its roots. Men, women and children from all parts of
the country single-mindedly throw themselves at the noble cause of
root-digging.



Today is ethnic-wear day in my company, and someone composed a poem that says



Let's get back to our roots

We are all Indian offshoots





Sounds creepy to me.



Every year people find their roots in November only to lose it again. And the hunt spills over to the next year.



Technorati Tags: suddenlee, poem, angst, india

Dream up a dinosaur

1. Did life decree that you live to the south of the equator in a land ruled by marsupials or avians?

2. Does your pick-up line repertoire have only dinosaur jokes?

3. Did you replace your door knob with latches for the fear of raptor attack?

4. Do you hate Julia Roberts



Then, this contest is for you. Write up your most fantastic ideas of fossil finds that'll shape palaeontology.

Here's mine:



Formiphagosaurus ishwarensis member of Therizinosauridae, with long, strong forearms, specialised in breaking down anthills.


Technorati Tags: suddenlee, dinosaur, contest

Depressing

"Humans can't write thread-safe code. It's simply beyond us"

-- Rasmus Lerdorf





Depressing stuff.





Technorati Tags: suddenlee, depressing, rasmus, tech

The problem with science is that it doesn't give a shit about your theories. Pray your arse off or speculate to the point of dialysis, you came from apes, and your species will go extinct.

My search history

Holy crap, this guy stole my search history. Or, wait... I use the *other* search engine.

Am writing a sequel to the Lord of the Rings.
Apparently, the ring was BCP-compliant, and Sauron had hid the backup ring under the tree at Minas Tirith and that's the real reason why he attacks Gondor, not to believe in some silly old man's tale of conquering middle earth. He wanted to get his lady, the spider :| , the ring. That's what the story is about - it's a passionate love story about a man who has lost his corporal existence(read, his dick), and a frigging huge spider.

Meanwhile, Sauron had quite sadly forgotten his BCP-certification and promptly dies after Frodo drops gollum into the volcano, after somehow being unaffected by its noxious fumes. The last I saw, hobbit women had breasts, suggestting they are mammals, and mammals breathe.

Anyway, Arragon finds this out and gets hold of the ring and goes back to sleeping with the elvish woman with background lighting. Little does he know the Gandalf covets her too, and they start fighting. Meanwhile Legolas and Gimley turn gay. The plot also involves special effects in New Zealand and grunting orcs.

I aspire to be slightly less boring than a super-sized hay ball.

This is my life after death.

Wish I was born a bottlenose dolphin. Protected and cute, with a lifetime of frolicking; and I don't have to hear people spew their misunderstandings on evolution.

After I die, I want my corpse to be dropped off on an asteroid.

Dravidian dino to kick aryan arse

My fellow repressed brothers,

They can take away your land,
But not your souls,
Shove their language
Up your arse holes.

Fear not, dear separatists
for the mighty dravidian dino
is all set to rip aryan arse.

May I present Dravidosaurus.

Dravidosaurus (meaning "Dravidanadu lizard", Dravidanadu being a region in the southern part of India where the remains were discovered) is a genus of prehistoric reptile which was once thought to be the last surviving member of the Stegosaur or "plated dinosaurs". With an estimated length of 3 metres (10 ft), it would have also been the smallest member of the group.



P.S: Obviously written in jest

Life, or something like it.

Life, discounted inexorably. Now at 60% off.

Rush, if you want to. It doesn't make a difference.

Somebody once said, 'The wordless is verbose'. He then went on to write 'Life, Raptoral Atavism and Everything'.

Thou shalt fight vada mozhi tyranny

America has 'astronauts', Russia has 'consmonauts' and China, its 'taikonauts'. And now, India is planning to send 'gaganauts' into space.

India is searching for a Sanskrit-based word for a spaceman as its top scientists draw up plans for the country’s first manned mission into the cosmos.

I say, why not vinvelinaut or champanaut. Gaganaut isn't representative of indian sentiments

:P

The Buffet Intellectuals

We'll all be called by a name now - you and me, and the nerdy little girl with mushroom glasses, the bearded man with bleary eyes in koshy's, pushing aside his carefully unkempt hair. We, the nation, shall henceforth be called - Buffet Intellectuals .

A Buffet Intellectual is a less disparaging term than the more cynical pseudo intellectual, which has seen far more use than required. The term does not make any kicks about the actual intellectual's ability, but in the dilettante attitude of the individual. The random samplings of life that such a person goes through leaves him (or her) a veritable gold mine of random conversations but very little to seek them out for.

To identify a buffet intellectual is very easy - just start talking about something in the abstract and watch the classical allusions roll by. But the easiest way is, of course, to peek into the bookshelf. In the midst of all the professional books, you'll find books about Evolution and Dinosaurs. Or half a shelf of books about Quantum Physics and the Universe. Look more closely and you'll even find books about Economics and Social orders. Heck, you may even find a couple of books about Human Psychology.

A nibble here, a nibble there and not a mouthful anywhere. Such intellectual butterflys are curiousities who rarely achieve anything by such half-hearted dabbling. What is needed is focus and perseverance - not two days' worth of everything.

foobar and SNAFU

Unlike what the american army wants you to believe, foobar and SNAFU aren't derived from american military slang. Here's the true etymology, as true as they come

1. FOOBAR
Comes from the Dead Sea Scrolls[1] that starts
"Phu, Bar, Mitzvah...".


2. SNAFU

This is a difficult one. Comes for the Zoroastrian exclamation, who, as you know, are a pious lot.

" Snahr-ah(f)ura "

that loosely translates to "What, by the scat of the divine beings is this?", or roughly, "Holy shit"
The american army picked it up from the second world war refugees.

Ever read a treatise that necessitated a jaw replacement and a new table? Here's one - All Tomorrows by Nemo Ramjet.

Suddenlee's talisman

I will give you a talisman. Whenever you are in doubt or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test:

Turn on the television and switch to CNN-IBN, just in time for Face the nation by Sagarika Ghose. Tell yourself that life hasn't been so bad. For starters, you weren't born as dumb as her. In case you were, atleast it wasn't so cruel as to place you in limelight for a billion people to see your dumbness on screen. In the extremely improbable improbability that life indeed had done this to you, atleast you didn't make a GODDMANED FOOL of yourself.

Then you will find your doubts and your self melting away.

What's common to Styracosaurus, Gorosaurus and Vastatosaurus rex.

Loser, don't search for the answer.

Being a Cling-on

I didn't belive when they said I was a cling-on.

But, holy mother of mofo jesus, I am a klingon.

Language, it seems, is not without its sense of irony.

Jai Kannada

Originally uploaded by mojosaurus.

So, Karnataka turns fifty. Kannada will soon be recognised as a classical language. Yayy! Woo hoo! and stuff like that.

And btw, here's a glass-saving measure in one of the shops here - the name of the shop written hastily on a piece of tissue paper.

Jai Karnataka.

Happy halloween

Happy halloween, dinophiles

Link, courtesy DML

Another pointless debate on the hijab/burqa issue, with an exceptional point.

Without the cross, the burqa, hijab and the turban, we'll let the politicians at the helm to decide our morality.

Brilliant.

Personally, I have problems with the hijab. Consider me opinionated, dogmatic and a million other things I'm not; I don't care. I find it a rather barbaric practise, and the question of choice having been reduced to a hobson's choice, by indoctrination.

Personal choice is the most misused word in all of humanity. For god's sake, I can't even choose the type of condom I wear. Spotted, came the suggestion. Apparently, I wouldn't know.

Tired and hungry after a weekend of hectic house-shifting, I sit pretty and tight, reading letters from long-lost girlfriends, girlfriends lost in time and letters lost in the wake of life's bueuracracy. Feels like having your brain wrapped in soft velvet and shot into space; the good part of it. Feels bouncy. Feelks like a whole lot of marsh-mellows.

Atheism is unprovable, hence uninteresting.
Suggest a wilder beast to tame.

Nov 26

Nov 26, 2006.

Nilu, Kuzh and I are going to Archana-Sanjeeth's wedding.

Jurassic Park - Director's cut

One of the scenes that didn't make it to the movie

The next time you hear people talking about playing it fair, kick your own shin so hard that you'd faint for having been in the company of such people, turn, wiggle your arse at them and get the hell out of the place.

Kuzh's serenade

Kuzh sings for his thai love.

Please don't use 'exactly' and 'actually' if you don't know where exactly to use them.

Happy b'day, feathered dinosaurs.

This day, ten years back, the discovery of the first feathered dinosaur, Sinosauropteryx prima was announced, transforming the world of dinosaurs forever.

This fossil led to the discovery.



And this is how they probably looked.

The future is... well... squeamy.



Featherless chickens could be the future of mass poultry farming in warmer countries, says an Israeli geneticist who has created a bare-skinned "prototype".

The new chicken would be lower in calories, faster-growing, environmentally friendly, and more likely to survive in warmer conditions, claims Avigdor Cahaner of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. He created his red-skinned chicken by selectively crossing a breed with a naturally bare neck with a regular broiler chicken.

Sometimes it's important to be wrong[1] to make mistakes. And sometimes, it feels good to have done that.

[1] Lack of punctuation marks to be noted.

Pon Mozhi - 1

Barkha, the verdict is simple. There are strong, very strong reasons why the legislature is separate from the judiciary in the Indian Constitution. Read up the ninth standard civics text book. Succumbing to pressure groups kill democracy.

Why waste an hour of prime time to debate a non-argument?

Watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai on TV makes me extremely thankful that the dravidian movement occured.

All ye dumbfucks that have a pet dog, keep the dog under the fucking leash. Others don't fancy getting a panic attack by your dog getting startled and baring its teeth when it pees in the pavement as much as you do.

Senility pangs

Growing old isn't easy, especially when at times you stare at a person incredulously when he asks you if you want to see sunset in andamans. Isn't andaman supposed to be in the east coast? Two hours, a couple of thousand rupees later, I realised why a certain woman dumped me. Again, at twenty five, I assumed that prime numbers were dependent on the number system.

Ok, here's the plan

• Put aside Rs. 15k every month onto a separate account and burn the debit card for that account; the best thing to do, atleast until something like this comes up.


• Sometime in January 2008, Take the 1145 flight from Delhi to Vladivostok and arrive at Vladivostok at 1900 hours


• Rush to the nearest pub, get drunk and get laid


• Repeat step 3 until I get bored


• Average temperature in January: −13.7°C


• Board the train, travel past Ulan Ude, Irkutsk, Lake Baikal and onto Moscow.


• Take the flight back to Delhi

Not much of a plan. But a passable one nevertheless.

My next holiday

Am taking the trans-siberian tour in Jan 2008. Vladivostok to Moscow.

Life, or somethink like it.

The long winding street smelt of yellow sunshine, like the one from fables; of burnt ochre, pink buttons and human discontent; of smells limited by perception, euphoria and a little baby girl; it smelt of the road I've walked a million times in the last two years. It smelt of electricity, marital disputes, of the pentecoastal church, of the last christmas and the last hope; it smelt of the chinese food at chinese prices; it smelt of my armpit, its past, present and future, that of the street, not of my armpit. It smelt of the big brown teddy bear, of the brownie points scored under the teddy; of the underwear flung listlessly over it in times of passion, of the teddy's dark brown eyes, of memories. A young woman in corduroy trousers and petite breasts was looking at the sling across my shoulder. It must've been a pretty site - an otherwise healthy man robbed the use of his right hand. I wonder how she'd feel if I read her the poignant poem that sagawa wrote when he butchered his lover. I wonder if she'd pity the butchered lover or the poignant sagawa. She wrinkles her pretty nose and dabs it with her left hand. She's a simple woman, this one; the type that makes you wonder if they're tortoise all the way, or corduroy all the way if it pleases you. The girl moves on, the street doesn't, imbibing the hamsanadam trickling down from the gauzed window.Gauzed windows let the sunlight in and trickles harmony and incense odour out. I bet the dealer wouldn't have told you this, but it does. One can't stay content near gauzed windows. It sucks your happiness away onto the streets and gives it to young women in corduroy trousers who seem quite happy already. It trickles hamsanadam out, but it probably wouldn't let out suba panthuvarali or muhari, stifling it inside the room. Should try it out sometime.Regiplex gauzed windows. Traps sadness. Fucks your happiness.

Cheap Indian Labour

Sunnyvale gets Macrzilla

Marczilla
Originally uploaded by lunatech. ,

and cheap Indian labour gets suckzilla


So sucks!

Murdersaurus

Ooooooh.. I love these old dinosaur books. Their inaccuracy is cho chweet

Follies of youth

by nilakantanrs

Marsupial me

Humans aren't placentals. Well, not quite. They're born quite helpless, like a kangaroo, like an opussum.

They aren't quite marsupials either. You don't see human kids clinging on to the fur and pushing towards the pouch. Where the fur ends, there isn't a pouch.

I want out

Somebody please get me out of this city.

Suddenly, getting married makes perfect economic sense to me. Fuck bangalore.

The islands

Here are the much-awaited andaman trip photos. Haven't had the time to title most of them or add a description. Have fun

Well, let's see. Somewhere in the known vast universe, at this precise point in time, a neutron probably decays spontaneously into a proton and an electron; and we'd never know. Pity!

Spatial insignificance + temporal insignificance = angst.

I have a request to all those talented directors in bollywood. When you take a hindi movie,MAKE IT A FUCKING HINDI MOVIE. Rajastani, bhojpuri, haryanvi, punjabi and indori aren't hindi.

Do that or return my money.

Now, that's what I'd call a gift

Thanks, archana!

All I need now is a non-bitchy landlord to call people over for a weekend party!

Lizard liqueur

To all the happy people in the world, here's something to screw your happiness

lizard liqueur
Originally uploaded by a.rud.beth.

Ode to an extinct theropod diapsid.

Repost

Oh you fearsome dromaeosaurid,
thy presence electrifies the celluloid

Hailing from the mighty archosaurs,
quiteunlike anaconda's anal spurs

Megalodon, in comparison, was but a turkey
peed in its pants and ran away like leon trotsky

On your glance mammals scurry,
lest they become rodent curry

Cut, slash and rip hapless mammals,
running fast without sandals

Thou art great, thou art strong
incredibly sexy, without a gong.

How poetry killed my hair

If bad hair is a measure of one's poetry skills, I am Keats' frontal lobe.

Shortcut to fame - Suggestion 14

I see so much angst among the madras bloggers, but strangely, nobody wantes to make use of this little window of opportunity to become a star, fighting on the side of justice and some such crap.

Since bloggers' demographics is not my speciality, I'd suggest that Kiruba or Nilu star a Bloggers for Auto fair(fare) or some such hopelessly inane catch-phrase, bring together equally inane bloggers, start an online campaign, perhaps an online petition and become fucking famous.

I tell you, madras women dig people who fight for their auto fair(fare) ;)

A weekend, a wedding, some fun and an overdose of fat women

Had been to Madras this weekend to attend my cousin's wedding. For those of you that aren't familiar with a tamil wedding, here is a primer.

1. It goes on for an insanely long time; three days, to be precise.

2. Most of the time is spent, not on the couple getting married, but in the process of appeasing a bunch of totally worthless pampered pot-bellied fify-year old men with unkempt moustaches and monstrous egos, matched only by their staggering stupidities.


Anyway, had lots of fun with cousins and some kick-ass food.

Nonagenerian grandparents


And just to assuage my guilt,
US researchers have taken a mouse back in time some 500 million years by reversing the process of evolution.

The pain comes up every now and then
With a semi-religious regularity
Like a fucking planet in the sky
Around an angelic bright star.

Feels like you lost your limb
The feeling of not dialing a familiar number
A million better things beckon you
And your phantom limb keeps dialing.

Sometimes you throw up
Wanting to purge the number
Little do you realise
That the number is your mucous, not your fucking food.

Some crazy coprolite

Insightful paper on A Standard for the Transmission of IP Datagrams on Avian Carriers by D. Waitzman.

Evidently, John Lennon hasn't read The Selfish Gene.

Holy crap, people still believe that vedas are scientific texts and there is no room for superstition in vedas.

Read this to choke and die. One person goes to say

Please do not call it is a blind belief....

I myself a Software Engineer from Bangalore. I have seen and offered milk to Ganesha in 1995.. It was a miracle..


ROFLMAO...

"Teh suck" that's jobsahead.com

Despite people's disposition to have negative IQs on an average, especially among those that share my name, this person took it a step further and gave my email id as the contact id in his jobsahead.com profile. The result, I spend half my time clearing junk mails and dispatching them to trash, the time that would've otherwise been spent blissfully wasted.

On most sites out there, one would find a link that says Contact Us. One would think this link would give email ids and contact numbers that one could use to contact the customer care in times of trouble. But one would be wrong. Little would that one have thought that it is all a major communist plot and that the one's chances of contacting the customer are slimmer than the same one's chances of finding a single woman in bangalore. The aforementioned one's attempts to contact the toll free numbers would lead one to the dark side of telephone paedophilia and the one other number would lead to a rather sharp increase in one's telephone bills, being forced to listen to telugu songs while waiting for the customer care to pick up the phone. (Incidentally, one doesn't find the prospect of imagining a rather fat junior NTR trying to look down the breasts of trisha particularly alluring)

Having finally made contact with the customer care, the one would come to face the veritable iron curtain, pea brains and outright denial of help. In certain capitalist societies in other parts of the world, this is something that the customer care is taught not to do. For example,

We have thousands of customers, and online resumes is only 5% of what we do. So, we can't help you

is what one(not the same one) would call as being rude and which would drive one(the same one) clambering up the walls.

Mood: Extremely pissed off.

Among the few women that've made me feel human in recent times is our own Sharmila Tagore. Try watching Pulp fiction on Star Movies and you'll know why.

What does Marcello Wallace look like?
He's black, bald...
Does he look like a _ping_?
No
Then why do you _ping_ with him?

That's one smart _ping_, _ping_.

ROFL

Five thousand years of civilisation hasn't given the world a worthy ideal[sic] to live up to.

The passion of the deinonychus

Expect a travelogue this weekend.

And say hi to my my new moto razr v3i

Andamans, ahoy!

Will be back on Aug 16th!

Holy Crap

By all the gods that never existed, Titan has lakes.

Radar images taken by the Cassini spacecraft show liquid lakes, probably of liquid methane, shown as dark patches, on the surface of Titan, Saturn's largest moon

Awe-freaking-some. Truly awe-freaking-some!

(11:47:09) Ishwar: telling you
(11:47:11) Ishwar: get married
(11:47:14) Ishwar: have kids
(11:47:18) Ishwar: have a good life
(11:47:26) Ishwar: idealogies aren't worth it
(11:47:34) Ishwar: beliefs don't matter
(11:48:02) Ishwar: ideologies are worth a little more than a flea on the dung round the corner
(11:48:07) Ishwar: seriously
(11:48:25) Ishwar: ideologies never make one happy
(11:48:33) Ishwar: and neither does reason
(11:49:39) Ishwar: seriously, when was the last time ideology made you *happy*?
(11:49:52) Ishwar: it gives you reason to smirk at others
(11:50:11) Ishwar: it gives you unadulterated elation
(11:53:45) Ishwar: wallow in irony
(11:54:07) Ishwar: gives you a certain screwed perspective of happiness

Snippets of an IM conversation.
Obviously edited to make it look like I had the last say.

Give me Maxwell's equations and give me sweet flaming death.
On second thoughts, I'd prefer capuccino.

The age of reason has come and gone
Like little discrete flecks of smell wafting out of the kitchen
Or a rotting carcass, if it'd please you
Not without a sign did it pass by you
Like a stranger in a strange land
Even when you painfully ignored its presence

And now, when it's your turn
to play the stranger, in a stranger land
Realising that you missed your dream boat
And live out your life
like a tortoise entomed by its shell
All you feel is a tiny jab on the ribs
You turn back, to find the age of reason.

When I gaze at her, I understand masochism.
- Ishwar

I'm getting old. Here I am, lounging in a chair, committed to my present life right up to my ears and believing in nothing. And yet, I also wanted to set out for a Spain of mine. But it couldn't be fixe.d Are there many Spains?

I am here, absorbing the ancient taste of blood and iron-contaminated water; I am my own taste, I exist. That's what existence means: draining one's own self dry without the sense of thirst.

For twenty-five years, I've been sipping at myself an getting old. I have had my desires - cities, women; and now it's over.
- Jean Paul Satre.

Pretty much sums it all up.

My only peeve against Sartre's characters is that all of them are abstracted away beneath the labour of the other insignificances in the book.

Or probably, that's what is his best accomplishment. Is it?

I can no longer enjoy anything in a simple way. Eating, drinking, or sleeping with women.

It's not the justification of these acts, but the acts themselves. These acts have started demanding being though through.

Slouching on the bean bag with the third mug of capuccino forming a trivial triangle(any three points do) around the white little squashed beans, I undertsood why people like having babies.

The court observed, "A woman cannot be said to have an intention to commit rape. Therefore, the counsel for the appellant is right in her submission that she cannot be prosecuted for alleged commission of the offence punishable under Section 376

Shows how goddamned retarted the judicial system is.

Mile sur mera tumhara

Undoubtedly one of the most successful clips aimed at national integration, next of course, to Mahabharat serial, pushes the history of gaboors rolling "r"s by as much as a decade.

Is rolling "r"s a culture symbol?

A week after Nawaz Sheriff proclaimed that Pakistan had nuclear warheads ready to be deployed during the Kargil War, terror strikes Bombay.

Was this a really well-staged deterrant hyperbole?

How to use a lift, and more importantly, how not to

Common myths surrounding the lift:



1. Calling *all possible lifts* to your floor instead of calling just
that lift that's closest to your floor and/or moving in the required
direction does *NOT* reduce your average waiting time. If any, it
increases the average waiting time, and leads to *much* annoyance to
others who use the lift.



2. Lifts already use the elevator algorithm[1]. (hehe) And even though
the lifts on the left and on the right aren't co-ordinated, a little bit
of logic will go a long way  in reducing waiting time for others.



Imagine the scenario where everybody on all floors call both the lifts
to their floor and take just one. The other lift has to stop at every
floor even if there isn't anybody to carry.



Agreed,this works out to be the normal scenario during rush hours when
there are always people to carry. But please, let the lift decide that!


[1]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elevator_algorithm

Mood: Very very annoyed.

A brief history of dinosaurs in media

Did you know that

1. The first movie to features dinosaurs was The Prehistoric man?
2. The animal featured in Journey to the centre of the earth by Jules Verne was not a dinosaur, but a dimetrodon?
3. Megalosaurus, the first ever dinosaur to be described was initialy named Scrotum Humanum, based on its similar appearance to human testicles.
   
   The image shows why!

More such trivial here. Contains a chronological list of every dramatic dinosaur movie ever made with amazing and unique anotations and insights that only the addled brains of The Dinosaur Interplanetary Gazette's cadre of astonishing (and astonished) scribes could concoct.

Have fun :)

P.S: BTW, Scrotum Humanum looked something like this:


:D

A brief history of dinosaurs in media

Did you know that

1. The first movie to features dinosaurs was The Prehistoric man?
2. The animal featured in Journey to the centre of the earth by Jules Verne was not a dinosaur, but a dimetrodon?
3. Megalosaurus, the first ever dinosaur to be described was initialy named Scrotum Humanum, based on its similar appearance to human testicles.
   
   The image shows why!

More such trivial here. Contains a chronological list of every dramatic dinosaur movie ever made with amazing and unique anotations and insights that only the addled brains of The Dinosaur Interplanetary Gazette's cadre of astonishing (and astonished) scribes could concoct.

Have fun :)

I forgot why I stopped smoking.

Pot and god

I don't believe in god, and I don't believe that such a thing as god exists (Yes, these are two separate beliefs). But even if s/he/it did, it doesn't change my scheme of things. In fact, I'd think that god should've been incredibly dumb to, for example, design a human body in his image, like this.

C'mon. If I were omni*, a sucky biped mammalian plantigrade uncool body wouldn't have been chosen for my living quarters. What joy would a unremarkable eye-sight, unimpressive sense of smell and an ignorable sense of hearing, with a huge head that most people conveniently don't use bring to an uber-powerful being? What about those sexy infra-red imaging, like those that predator has? And a very many other things too.

All ye non-anthropomorphic-god-religion-people, no reason to rejoice.

This would be the right moment for you ask What's wrong with you?. Well, a lot of things, to begin with. I've wanted to smoke pot and haven't been able to get my hands on it for the past quarter century. My ipod stopped working and my landlord thinks I'm morally destitute.

Absolutely usless trivia - 1,473

Wingfingers, as pterosaurs[1] are referred to in Robert J. Sawyer's Qunintaglo Ascension trilogy, translates to Chiroptera - bats.

Pterosaurs should've been winged lizards.

[1]: See the image above.

It's funny sometimes when you go romping around the room naked, in anticipation of the action, or when you are in bed, happily humping and squealing, and when you think of how funny the process is - tweaking her clit, humping and kissing.

---

Update: Futility changed to being funny after a certain blogger expressed strong protest against the futility of it all :)

To be more specific, the complete obsession on details is what is amusing. For example, a clit is a clit. It's not an abstraction, but the whole entity in itself. There are times when one feels one is making out with the clit and not with the person. It's imposing. Amazing, but imposing, in much the same way as being on Mars is.

Abstraction has its beauty.

Hawking's cameo on Yahoo! Answers

Stephen hawking asks for people's views on what they think that humanity should do to survive the next hundred years.

Have fun!

The recent Sabarimalai controversy, specifically people's reaction to the episode shattered all my assumptions that the online community is a little more liberal than the offline community.

I couldn't have been wronger. It's a bloody Visu's Aratti arangam out there...

Why does evolution and creationism have to be mutually exclusive?

This is one of the most frequently asked questions on Yahoo! Answers, the highly addictive knowledge search portal.

About a week back, I started off an email debate between evolution and creationism. It would've been a healthy argument had it not been for the stubborn single-minded opinions of the other person who just refused to hear what you have to say and insists that he is right.

Pls. read the comments of a certain "smiling4ever222" for this question. Every single line in his argument can be countered by my three-year old nephew.

After a week of patience, his comments made me blow my top.

Damn all illogical people.

Step 1: Fuck Pekerman
Step 2: Kidnap Cambiasso and ensure a particularly painful death
Step 3: Get drunk.

Knowing that an average human's life is centred so much around procreation is one thing, and realising that it is indeed so is, as they say, yet another thing.

Everybody should be durdened by being told the following:

You are not a unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. You might think your child is the most beautiful thing on earth. Well, correction: It isn't. It's as ugly as a gecko.

You're not a cow/ox with an EQ of 1.78. Think beyond procreation.


And subsequently drive humanity to extinction. Yes, conflicting dystopian and individualistic talks will undoubtedly screw people up. What the heck, as long as I dream, I'd like to see an oviraptor flying F-17s.

But all this after Cafu takes home the world cup.

---

Caribbean Flamingo's head

Mammal mantras

A mammal, by any other name would suck just as bad.
- Ishwar.

It's fascinating to see a bunch of bipeds constantly in the act of repeated falling-support-balancing routine in a co-ordinated effort to push around a spherical object into a parallopiped.

QoTD

For ancient humanity, what was mysterious and unexplained was so vast that only an equally vast higher being, an alpha male in the sky could fill that gap.

The past...

When the past feeds so much on itself, why is it still the past?

---

The past is his proverbial obsessee. Not all of the past; just a brief period of extreme unhappiness. His past hugs him like a warm comforter, protecting him from the icy winds of the present, just that the comforter isn't warm and the icy winds aren't cold. He lives in his own little freezer safely protected from the glorious monsoon sun - the one that peeks occasionally from behind the rich dark clouds.

And he tries to throw away the comforter that serves no purpose. But life has other plans.

Krrish - Redefining Indian Cinemea

I haven't watched Krrish and haven't read any of the reviews. This is not so that you pardon me if this post is screwed but that I've forgotten the art of writing an opinion without a disclaimer.

Creating and indulging a superhero character needs a lot of strength, clarity, skill and most importantly, the abilility for a classic denoument of the superhero's character, all of which a standard indian director lacks.

Having been a big fan of comics since childhood, I believe that I can talk a little about superheros genre. Spiderman is as dumb as a superhero gets. It lacks a complex and convincing (in a comics sense) background, it doesn't potray the superhero's struggle to become familiar with his powers; his character isn't unravelled gradually as the story moves, and most importantly, he lacks the superhero facial features.

The depiction of a superhero's face deserves a couple of paragraphs for itself. Have you at any point in time watched Manoj Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable and loved the story? If yes, you know what is being talked about. It's an extremely beautiful meta-movie that revolves around the quest for a superhero and not so much about the superhero himself.

Manoj Night Shyamalan marvellously depicts the classic dichotomy of good and evil, from physical postures to language, facial features, skin tone and lighting, while maintaining the consistent thread throughout the movie that they aren't different afterall.

Nowhere is the good-evil dichotomy as evident as in facial features. Look at superman, batman, phantom - those strong square jawlines, the lack of shadows on the jawlines, triceps over biceps and broad foreheads, to say a few. All credits to Rakesh Roshan for choosing the perfect person to potray a superhero.

And this is why spiderman sucks - because he fails to bring out this dichotomy, despite being a non-dark superhero.

The denoument of a superhero's character is perhaps the most interesting and skillful part of building a superhero. And the best denoument, IMO, goes to Wolverine of the X-men. You must watch X-Men II for an absolutely classic denoument. Needless to add, spiderman and superman suck at this. Batman and Phantom, the justice league have interest denouments too, but none as good as Wolverine.

Wolverine

Be warned that all these are my opinions and that the real world might not corroborate with them.
Coming back to Krrish, it's a brave move that an indian director has taken up this onerous task. Let's hope he gets it right.

The follies of Richard Owen's youth

ROTFL

Hilarious satire on Richard Owen.

P.S 0: I think the animal is Postosuchus. Does anybody think otherwise?
P.S: Won't strike you as funny if you don't know Richard Owen


From Pete Von Sholly's Extremely Weird Tales. through palaeoblog

---

A new species of colour-changing snake has been discovered in Borneo.

Does this mean that colour-changing among reptiles is more basal than thought earlier or is it just convergent evolution?

Waiting for the folks from DML to discuss this

Having been born in the eighties and having listened only to bappi lahiri and nadeem shravan, I've always wondered what's with Lata Mangeshkar and her fan following. There were times when Anuradha Paudwal sounded better, but then, when one finds Anuradha Paudwal good, s/he is in dire need of some professional counselling, which was truly the case then.

Then this song happened - Re man sur mein ga from Lal Patthar. Divine. Long live Lata.

P.S: Correction: T'wasn't Lata. Was Asha. Down with Lata :)
Feels good when your dogmatic opinins are seemingly proven true.

The problem with people is, ok, atleast one of the problems with people is that they're bloody nosy - Why should every one of those long-forgotten people from the past pop up to ask questions about my sex life? Did I ever even feign a flicker of interest in what you do in your life?

Why the hell do people want to vicariously fulfill their non-existent sex life by living mine? Think about it.

Do us all a favour and get married to the person that your parents think will be good for you and get laid. Leave me alone!

Back to the living

Feels good to be back among the living
To feel joy and muted pain

And much more. Damn, I feel too alive to write a poem.

It's cake time again, Lots of it

For those of you that know. If you don't, don't bother. It isn't important.

FLAMING DEATH.

Why in the name of the fucking holy god should the world cup commentary be in hindi? Death to those bastards!!!

I want to be here

Dinosaurs with feathers
Dr. Mark Norell, American Museum of Natural History

Step into the shoes of this important paleontologist who’s busy tracing the connections between small carnivorous dinosaurs and modern birds. You’ll travel across the globe with him as he names new dinosaurs and attempts to develop new ways of looking at fossils using CT scans and imaging computers. Norrell will discuss his discovery of the bizarre primitive bird Mononykus, as well as the unearthing of other important bird-like characteristics in all kinds of dinosaurs.

Lecture
Adult
Thursday, June 22, 2006
7 p.m.
Cost is $16, students/educators $14, members $12
Pre-Registration Not Required

Ich bin fucking depressed!

Even more so as I couldn't get myself to write!

A wish, a friend

You say you want to remain friends
Relive the fun that we had

You say, why hold hands
Keep them inside your pockets

You say, Why can't we watch a movie
without groping each others' butts

And why drive your tongue
down my throat

When a chaste little kiss, a peck on the cheek
would do just fine

Let me share with you
A piece of my little mind

I don't wish to castrate myself
To serve your antiseptic needs

If you want me
Take my penis with you too.

P.S: Of no relevence to my real-life. Inspired by another poem :)

Energy and speciation

It takes more energy than all the fossil fuel people burn on the planet in a year to form one new species of plankton
Dr. Andrew Allen

So, whose turn is it now?

Ya, really dumb configuration. But then, looks good!

A totally unnecessary and uncalled-for justification that nobody cares about anyway

All life is one huge afterthought junkyard.

Watching yourself in third person gets to be addictive, and after a while the third person takes over, like he did today!

Ouch!

Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

This guy took my regular parking slot. AND I HAD TO PARK IN THE NEXT ROW.

Should've never cleared him in the interview.

Flaming death!

Chairty is the right tool that gives just the right dose of the much needed reason that people often strive to see for their pointless existence.

Long live the pointlessness and the pink tapeworms. Atleast they aren't charitable!

Talking of reservations

My inability to zero-in on the reasons behind my recent spate of most uninteresting posts in this blog's history notwithstanding, this is interesting.

Talking of reservations, try and beat this.

The National Pact is an unwritten agreement that laid the foundation of Lebanon and has shaped the country to this day. Following negotiations between the Shi'ite, Sunni, and Maronite leaderships, the National Pact was born in the summer of 1943 allowing Lebanon to be independent. Among the following key points of the agreement are:

• the President of the Republic to always be a Maronite.


• the President of the Council of Ministers (prime minister) to always be a Sunni.


• the President of the National Assembly to always be a Shi'ite.

P.S: Look out for brighter days in a while. Come the monsoon, cometh the posts.

It's not you

It's not you, it's me.
I don't like you.

Fuck nostaglia

School
Originally uploaded by mojosaurus.

Freaking hilarious. More such videos here

Harry Potter and the sacrilegeous blashphemy

Flickr, unknown source

A new dinosaur species has been named after Hogwarts. Ewww!

Back when I was in school, I often used to wonder how the world watched while contries came up with ridiculous policies like the Monroe Doctrine, and the White Australian Policy[1].

Taking refuge behind the fact that I was naive beyond belief(used to be a commie then), insanity almost seems to have a pattern. See this and this.

[1]: Wiki with caution.

Bats -

Bat, bat flying tight
In the caves of twilight
What indescribable mutation
led to such an amazing sight

Caves are thy forte
And so are the hollows
One ghoulish bat beckons
And million others follow

Ok, trying to satirise William Blake isn't working apparently, especially when you have a workload breathing down your neck.

I've always been fascinated by these creatures and their adaptations for flight and hearing. Enjoy the image.

Did you know

That the period between 1550 and 1850 was called the little ice age and that the onset of bubonic plague epidemic in Europe approximately coincided with the little ice age, even though the BP, as a pathogen has been in existence for a long time then?

Apparently the fleas that spread BP to humans only do so below a certain temperature threshold. Above that threshold the fleas can continue to feed off rats with no trouble. Below a certain temperature, the plague pathogen causes clotting in the gut of the flea, causing it to slowly starve to death no matter how much it tries to feed. In this situation the flea is more likely to feed off any animal (rather than their usual target species) out of sheer desperation. Healthy fleas usually
prefer feeding on only one specific host species.

So the lower the temperature gets, the more likely infected fleas are to try
feeding on human blood (or so the theory goes).

Source: DML
There is much more to the world than we think we know.

Apparently, when I was seven, our family didn't have enough money to get me lunch for school, and my I grew up on my teachers' lunch.

Fuck nostalgia.

Totally pointless quiz of the day

Suckers, nobody replied :(

Question: Identify the phenomenon

Anyway, here comes the answer:
The phenomenon goes by the name Cargo cult in Melenesia(The clue was Skull Island).

After the Europeans discoveredsic Melenesia and the natives came into contact with European technology, they believed that the fancy goods manufactured by the eurpoeans were created by the ancestral people of the melenesians and that white people have unfairly gained control of these objects.

They also believed that what the white people did with these "cargoes" was a ritual, and that if they do the same rituals, their ancestors will recognise their own people and return the cargoes to their rightful owners, being the melenesians.

In most cases, the melenesians did not know/understand what the technology was, but just imitated what the europeans did. Photo #1 shows a group of melenesian tribals building an aircraft made of hay, and waiting for their ancestors.

Photo #2 shows a group carrying wooden thingies in the shape of rifles, seeing the europeans

Photos #2 and #3 shows "USA" tatoos on the chests of these people without understanding what it meant. They'd seen dead white soldiers with these engravings, thought it was a ritual and did the same to themselves.

A plane made of hay

People marching with wooden rifle-shaped thigies

Self-descriptive

Clue: The ethnicity of the people and the fake thingies are the biggest clues... Think - Skull Island

I am Ishwar's earlobe.

You suck me, and I tickle.

And now for some bizarre news

Armin Meiwes (born 1961 in Germany) is a cannibalistic internet user who became known as the "Rotenburg Cannibal" or "Der Metzgermeister" (The Master Butcher). Meiwes posted an advertisement on the Internet, looking for a willing victim. Bernd Jürgen Armando Brandes replied to his posting, and they arranged to meet so Meiwes could kill and eat Brandes.

As is known from a videotape the two made when they met in March 2001 in Meiwes' home, Meiwes amputated Brandes' penis and Meiwes and Brandes ate the penis together before Brandes was killed. Brandes had insisted that Meiwes would bite his penis off, but this did not work, so Meiwes used at first a knife that turned out to be too blunt, and then a sharper knife to finally slice the penis off. Brandes apparently tried to eat his share of his own penis rare, but could not because it was too tough and as he put it, "chewy". Meiwes then sautéed the penis in a pan with salt, pepper and garlic.

According to journalists who saw the video (it has not been made public), Brandes may already have been too weakened from blood loss to actually eat his share of the penis. Meiwes apparently gave him large quantities of alcohol and pain killers, and then killed him in a room that he had installed in his house for this purpose. He ate the body over the next few months, storing parts in his deep freezer.

Context: Today is the verdict

Ethnicity rant

What's with bongs and guitar? They play Grateful dead so darn well...

Damn... ethnicity does count sometimes.

White flux

White flux
Originally uploaded by mojosaurus.

Bannerghatta national park - 25kms from Bangalore city taught me quite a few things yesterday

• Women with little children are obnoxious and extremely irritating while sharing closed spaces(safari van, in this case)


• The white peacocks at the zoo were one of the most beautiful things that I had ever seen. This particular photo, having been shot particularly badly, doesn't do justice to the beauty, but believe me, it's like watching aurora boreallis in siberain wasteland, not to mention that I haven't seen that either.


• Everything else was particularly unremarkable - lions, sloth bears, tigers, white tigers.. a whole bunch of sucky mammals

BTW, does anybody here know the difference between a white peacock and albino peacock? T'has something to do with the colour of the eyes, but can't quite place what it is.

Neat little gif on evolution

Evolution

:)

Source: http://palaeos.com/

Life, or something like it - II

My beliefs are conjuring acts, of beliefs coming into existence where none existed, and where there isn't a need for one. They don't appear to fill in the created vacuum; they appear to create a vacuum. Their appearance and the subsequent hasty abandonment have become the defining aspect of my life.

So, a stegosaurus, an ankylosaurus and a troodon walk into a bar. A couple of minutes later, they noticed that there were no female dinosaurs around.

The stegosaurus turns around and says "We're in a gay bar". Just then a fellow stegosaurus comes to flirt with him...

Bah! Somebody complete the joke!

P.S: We have a winner here: Tahir uncle!

Too often, my code looks like this :D

Death to pittsburghites

At the pittsburgh airport
Originally uploaded by mojosaurus.

Scale model of a t-rex in the classic fast-walk posture.

Will bangalore ever get such a beauty?

சிந்தனைச் சிதறல்கள்

When I was twenty-three, I dreamt of writing a book at twenty five and of blowing my brains out at forty. You live more when you want to die at forty. It's a pity that I lost the drive.

The Life, or something like that series contained excerpts from my book - hadn't thought of a name then, and don't feel the necessity to, now. An opus dedicated to the futility of it all. An excerpt - I had posted this earlier:

---

Life, or something like it - I

I wince, seeing the spreading ink blot on paper: the birth of a baby blue universe, a miniature creation centred on the tip of the stylish upward stroke at the end of e, completing hope. I must have gone into one of my tangential thought processes again.

My overpaid psychiatrist would take a deep breath, cross his legs, loosen down his shoulders and comment that this stylish upward stroke signifies an unhappy childhood. He'd go on to suggest that I get laid and would slyly remark that he could arrange for it.

I used to belive in psychiatrists until I met one. But that doesn't mean anything. I used to believe in conspiracy theories, of reptiloids taking over the world, creation, patriotism, scruples, morals, fidelty, god, God and my science teacher. I no longer do. I used to believe in right and wrong, life on mars, aliens, purpose in life and in myself. I no longer do.

I believed in my science teacher till the time she told me that eclipses aren't caused by giant snakes gobbling up the sun, like my mom, in her infinite wisdom had taught me, but rather by shadows, in much the same way that my mentally retarded neighbour who pees in his pants casts barking dogs on the wall.

I believed in God till I had an accident. I believed in my psychiatrist till he told me that there was nothing wrong with me. I believed in my mom till she told me that I had certain duties to fulfil in life.

What is it then that I believe in? Well, I believe in dinosaus, and yes, that's about it. Here I am, all of twenty five years old, and all that I believe in this wretched existence are things, the last of which died 65 million years back, some of them sporting funky plumages.

I believed in creation till I stumbled onto anthropic principle. I believed in the anthropic principle till I embraced nihilism. I believed in nihilism till I understood nihilism, and now, all that's left are the dinosaurs. Fossils, the size of three-storeyed buildings stand tall amidsr the carcasses of my past beliefs - little independent conscious beliefs that lived, some ephemeral, some for a while, but all of them discarnate, like a ball of light thats light all the way down and out at the other end, incorporeal entities, but somehow sometimes, some of these spectral entities manage to eke out lesser incorporals adding to the pile of bodiless carcasses, a graveyard of dead beliefs at the centre of which lies the equally tenuous gallimimus fossil, letting out triumphant shouts that nobody listens to anyway.

When will indians ever learn to mourn? It's disgusting to see women huddled, flaying their sweaty bodies around and crying their hearts out with sadness - a little for themselves and a little for others, and men standing in a corner covering their mouths with unwashed towels, carefully avoiding each others' gazes in the hope that it won't be their turn next.

P.S: Reason for angst: The awesome pteronodon picture went unnoticed.

List of people that I don't hate

Finally, I've come up with the list of people that I don't hate. Here it is:

1.






Crap... Mission aborted.

[EOM]

New blogger template

Spent three hours on this. Tell me if you like the new template or if I should go back to the old one.

'In the end,' said Alice, 'everything is as logical or illogical as everything else.'

Spoken like a true Alice :)

Dinosaur of the day

Deinonychus antirrhopus skull
Originally uploaded by mojosaurus.

Deinonychus antirrhopus.

Need I say anything more?

Lost in translation... from English to English... (recycled)

Since I am in an angst mode and all such kind of stuff, it would do the world much good to read one of the recycled posts

---

I sometimes can't help but wonder the fate that would befall poor Lynne Truss if she ever finds her way to the desi land.
Not only does she have to tolerate the spineless pandering of a typical desi, but worse, listen to grammatically incorrect flavour of whatever is left of English in this land. And if fate has it that she meets a techie in the vicinity of bangalore who makes sure that s/he rolls every R, but is quite oblivious to the other mistakes that gush forth at the rate of 3 grammatical and 2 semantic mistakes per sentence with liberal sprinklings of hindi/tamil all over the place, she would be tempted perpertate much more than a symbolic act of defiance with a permanent marker, and would probablyl go on to throw up all over the place.

If the liberal use of apostrophes can drive a person crazy, sentence constructs can drive him over the edge, steal an XM-29, and happily pump round after round of bullets blindly in random directions, and once the ammo runs out, proceed to buy another pack and empty them too.

A popular outlet in Bangalore says:
Latest fashion dresses for men's women's boy's and girl's
And for God's sake, it wasn't even an undergarments outlet.

A leisurely walk along Hosur Road would have driven out the British faster than the Mahatma, who unfortunately, was a stickler.

Side sing Package trip to Ooty, Kodai, Mysore and Coorg
No, this is not a safari of the tribal heartlands of Kodai and Ooty where tribals line up on the either sides of the road to sing a soulful song on thier favourite two-headed dog-demon that kills innocent unwary tribals, and no, it is not the pot they smoke before killing snakes, though you might actually end up buying it. It is not a courier service either, as the package trip might suggest. What the board means by wisely tearing out superfluous letters is that they offer packaged tours for sight seeing. Parsimony at its best, I would say.

Further down the road, right next to the real estate agents who also rent out VCD's and DVD's, past several hotels that surprisingly don't provide lodging, and offer interesting dishes on the lines of Spinach omlet and Mashroom Manjuri, you would see a board that reads in bold letters

Child cutting done here

You pass out for a second, regain consciousness, shake your head in disbelief, rub your eyes just in case, see the board and promptly faint again. You are brought back to reality by the bakery owner next door who incidentally sells Cocanet balls and explains that it is a barber shop and they give children a haircut here. Relieved, you ask for a soft drink to bring down your heart rate. The shop owner gives you a look that is usually reserved for 25 year old men who run down the road screaming out loud that there is a tyrannosaurus rex in his underpants. You say 'Pepsi' and his face promptly brightens up and he exclaims, Ah, cooling, sir!.

You finally get a feeling that there are a few things that you don't understand, and the term cooling is one of them. If science can't explain cooling, there isn't much that you can trust science with. The shopkeeper then smiles, extends his hands and says

Myself Pandey sir, Dayal Pandey

Who is Myself Pandey here? you ask, after looking around to confirm that there are only two people in the vicinity. You are yourself, fine!; he is Dayal Pandey, great! but where is this Myself Pandey? You bend and look under the table to see if you can find this elusive Myself Pandey.

No, he isn't there. Quite a strange name for a person- a reflexive/emphatic substitute for a name. Interesting! So thinking, you go on to finish your pepsi. But Dayal Pandey is not amused.

You are comedy sir. Mein Dayal Pandey hoon, myself

You couldn't stop the violent spasm that makes you splash the remaining pepsi on the walls of the shop. Between the frightful coughs you also find time to wonder what makes you a comedy!

At this moment, your survival instincts take over. You suddenly don't want to stand near a shop that indulges in paedicide and to talk to a reflexively referring individual. You grope for your purse, pay him and rush out. As you come out of the shop, your eyes happen to notice that they sell Grill Sandwhich, shudder and run for your life.

P.S: Also serves as a pointer to those who want to write posts on "spelling mistakes", if you know what i mean :D



Tags: grammarnazi, angst

Summer + traffic + bad lane discipline == Existential angst.

Buggers don't know to stick to their goddamned lane!!!!


Tags: bangalore, angst

Bug G hates me

Gmail talk not enabled, and I use firefox. Sucks

QoTD

"I'm feeling down", he said. "I feel like singing I'm looking through you, you're not the same", take an andean trek, live among the amish, burn the world down and take you along with it".

He said, "I am reminded of the poem

 She believes if she could only overtake
      The riding rhythm of things,
      Of her own electrons,
      Then she would be at rest
      If she could forget school,
      Climb the tree,
      Be the tree,
      Burn like that. 

".

He said "I want to be the she, I want to be the tree, I want to burn like the tree, like her".

He said "I'm in the pack's-last-condom, DDLJ-induced nostalgia".

He said much more, on and on.

And she said "I understand", and he froze.

He wanted to shout out "But you don't. You think you know, you want to know, but you don't. I won't let you know".

But he didn't. And he was happy.

Those crazy buggers - The Beatles

If you consider LSD was cool, read this:

This excerpt is from Pete Shotton's excellent book 'The Beatles, Lennon And Me' (originally published as "John Lennon In My Life", 1983, Stein and Day Publishers :

From page 217:

"One afternoon, while taking "lucky dips" into the day's sack of fan mail, John, much to both our amusement, chanced to pull out a letter from a student at Quarry Bank. Following the usual expressions of adoration, this lad revealed that his literature master was playing Beatles songs in class; after the boys all took their turns analyzing the lyrics, the teacher would weigh in with his own interpretation of what the Beatles were really talking about. (This, of course, was the same institution of learning whose headmaster had summed up young Lennon's prospects with the words: "This boy is bound to fail.") "John and I howled in laughter over the absurdity of it all. "Pete," he said, "what's that 'Dead Dog's Eye' song we used to sing when we were at Quarry Bank?" I thought for a moment and it all came back to me: Yellow matter custard, green slop pie, All mixed together with a dead dog's eye, Slap it on a butty, ten foot thick, Then wash it all down with a cup of cold sick.

"That's it!" said John. "Fantastic!" He found a pen commenved scribbling: "Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye....". "The Walrus" came from Alice in Wonderland.

"Let the fuckers work THAT one out", said John.

Just how did dinosaurs walk?

Humanity's fascination with theropod dinosaurs continues with scientists trying to model how huge theropods like tyrannosaurus rex would've walked. Here's a study, courtesy New York Times.



This is one reason why palaeontolgy is so goddamned fasciating - the ceasless speculations. On a related note, Darren Nash, a vertebrate palaeontologist put forward a speculation that azhdarchids, that includes giants like the Quetzalcoatlus were actually giant storks.



Well, I don't subscribe to his theory, the reasons for which will be explained in a subsequent post.

For now, enjoy the images :)