Of herbivorous desis and how they make me sick

Last year, I belonged to the herbivorous desi fraternity in the United States and contributed immensely to the volume of pointless crib that was characteristic of a desi attending a pizza party where they served pepperoni pizza and corona. The desis(myself included) used to monopolise the nachos-salsa table and zealously ward off any white or black skins with a vicious snarl and hugging the nachos container close to our bosoms like our lives depended on it.

California, particularly Palo Alto being what it is, I guess, would have seen its share of crazy desis, and oft wondered if this phenomenon was in any way related to the moon. The only other phenomemon of such strangeness was the werewolves-full moon phenomenon. What made the otherwise-docile and subservient desis who work for dirt cheap rivalled only by mexicans from across the border and who demonstrated their social networking by living in crowded ghettos snarl at the very idea of losing their nachos puzzled many non-desis.

Not surpisingly, there was much bloodshed last week on the very issue of herbivorous desis. The desis complained that they did not have any vegetarian main course dishes, and the non-desis simply couldn't understand what the big fuss was about.

Predictably, the desis took up the "equal-opportunity-employer" flag, much to their own ridicule. This is one of the most logical arguments that I had seen.

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Seriously... Get over yourselves...

I decided years ago that I don't eat:

STOLLEN
CHOCOLATE CHIP BREAD PUDDING
Whiskey Carmel Sauce
PEACH COBBLER
APPLE COBBLER
DRISCOLL STRAWBERRIES
Sour Cream and Brown Sugar
TARTS & PIES*
RASPBERRY CRANBERRY LINZER TART
MINCE MEAT PIE
PECAN PIE
PUMPKIN TART
CHOCOLATE CREAM PIE
SERVED WITH CHALICES OF WHIPPED CREAM
HOLIDAY SWEET BITES & SIPS*
BROWNIES
CHRISTMAS COOKIES
GINGERBREAD MEN
EGG NOG
SPICED APPLE CIDER
COFFEE AND TEA

Wait a minute!!! They don't serve any dessert that I like. I should go complain to someone about it and have the menu changed because they don't serve any desserts I like. In fact I, I should go one step further and complain to a list of people that could care less that *I* have *CHOSEN* to exclude *myself* by picking a diet that is *far less* common than what most
people eat. Adapt or don't go...

You know the menu now; if you don't like what's on it... Eat before or bring some veggie dogs. I doubt they will confiscate them at the door and since I know you have a job... I highly doubt you will go hungry if you don't eat.

I went to a vegan party once. I didn't like the food. Know what I did? (Hint: It wasn't complaining to the host about the free food they went out of the way to serve)

I simply didn't eat.

It fascinates me how many people think the world should bend over backwards to accommodate their individual intricacies (especially when they chose to create them).

If you bought a big-rig, would you expect your company to build a special parking spot for you too?

I don't play Basketball or Volleyball and think that it's unfair of your company not to have a high jump pit.

I made a pact years ago that I would never use another 4:3 monitor again... The company should honor that and get me a nice new Cinema display for my BSD box.

I prefer Gateway over Dell, the company should be obligated to change their contract.

I prefer spring water to reverse osmosis and will be submitting a demand shortly.

Climbing stairs while those on the first floor don't have to is unfair, we all need 1st floor cubicles.

I don't drink beer and think there should be an option during Octoberfest to get beer mugs -OR- souvenir spoons. Further I would like to complain to the German government for not providing an alternative celebration.

No employee can celebrate Valentines unless we are all forced to provide a Valentine for every employee.

We should not have shirts unless they come in sizes large enough for the largest employee and small enough for the smallest employee.

NO GROUP can have a celebration, lunch, outing or launch party without bringing the rest of the company along. This includes executive shin-digs as it's not fair if we are not included.

Life isn't fair and there are things to get concerned about more pressing than problems you choose to create and that have simple workarounds.



A few more "smart guys" said:

Last time I checked there was plenty of grass in between the buildings.
Snack away! : )

Just wanted to add that many believe that it was the eating of meat that allowed our early ancestors to develop large brains. I'm sure a lot of people have heard of this on this list, and some will refute it. But I say: eat meat -> get large brains! Go omnivores !!


But the highlight was this comment.
I like vegetarians.
They taste good.

Its time the desi community realises that it shouldn't expect people to go out of the way to appease them.