Thursday, November 03, 2005

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Kansas had it coming. After nuking mylapore, kansas is next in line. But wait, this guy has a better idea.

A bunch of neo-neanderthals* want to teach Intelligent design in school, and the US State school board has put it to vote instead of farting on their faces.

If you can teach ID, why not teach FSM, the theory of the Flying Sphagetti Monster, worshipped by the Ecumenical Church of FSM.

We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.


I believe in the FSM. Do you?

Neo-neanderthals: People living in the 21st century who want to take us back to the Neanderthals age.

A really good article on Flying Spaghetti Monster religion, aka Pastafarianism that talks about its fundamental beliefs and the 8.4 fold-path.

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